She will be turning 22 tomorrow! A very responsible, no nonsense, very loving, sweet lady.

How time flies! I could still remember her being my baby. She had been a very good baby, so easy to take care of, never fuzzy, sleeps, drinks her milk, always contented.

Among my girls, she is the most brave and determined. Being the second of the three girls, she has for a time been challenged with middle child syndrome but her being strong and persistent, she had overcome it!

She is such a great person. She took care of me during the most challenging phase of my sickness. A very loving nurse. She would watch out for my diet. She is a disciplined vegetarian with a weakness for sweets!

I may not be a perfect mother but i am truly grateful to God for giving me all my precious gems!

Yesterday was a good day. I felt quite well without much dizziness. Took my last doze of dexamethasone last night.
The greatest thing for me yesterday was that my son agreed to meet today the TIS adviser on his home study program.

Today i woke up happy and excited to bring my son to his first step of moving on. I just hope and pray God will guide him. I hope he is emotionally stable enough to face the world again.

I guess my additional supplements are helping me a lot too. The AHCC (shiitake mushroom from Japan) seems to have lessened the side effects of Tax chemo. I see my hair is growing back!

Maybe being happy about my son is also helping my disposition and mood. During one of my prayers, i have told God that i can not get well unless my son gets well ahead of me. I guess He is telling me now things will be better.

God is truly good!!!!

Today I came in 19 mins. late for my doctors appointment so when I checked in, I was already no. 12 instead of no. 3. Everything was pushed later so my chemo was done at 2 pm already.

First, they gave me an injection, then the dextrose where they put in 3 meds then the taxotere. As in the first taxotere session, I also was feeling drowsy and dizzy during the infusion. Blood pressure was monitored on my left foot.

I was dropped off and picked up by my husband and I went through it all by myself. In the waiting area, the social worker who doesn't speak English was worried for me that all she could give me is a phone number to call should I need to talk to someone. Anyway, everything went well and was picked up at 230pm.

I was quite brave to do it by myself. All I have with me are prayers and well wishes from my family and friends.

Today, I was able to ask my onco about the next radiation therapy schedule as we were planning to go home for the Chinese New Year holidays. I found out that I still can not travel until after at the most ten weeks, at the least 8 weeks after my last chemo on January 5. It will be a five days a week treatment schedule for 5 to 7 weeks starting after 2 to 3 weeks from my last chemo.

After that radiation therapy, I will be taking 5 years of tamoxifen. Wow what an overwhelming schedule!!!

Well I would just need to take things one day at a time. Lifting up to God my whole well being.

Today i took the dexamethasone already in the morning and evening. I started to feel queasy already but very bearable.

This morning i was able to go out with my husband and son. We took my bro in law to the airport. We had breakfast at Mcdo airport after he checked in and before he went thru immigration. We had a good chat while having breakfast that he was already paged before he reached the boarding gate. Thank you for the short visit!

We had Lunch at yaohan fastfood, passed by garment shop, went to mass at Iao Hon, then had dinner at Venetian fastfood. We were able to watch the Winter in Venice free show. I am really trying to enjoy every moment before my Chemo.

When your health has been breached already, you tend to be more conscious of all that you are feeling and doing. You always have a tendency to over analyze which things are good and helps make you feel better. You learn to appreciate everything.

At the end of the day, everything will be lifted up to God Almighty. May His will be done.

I have just finished my blood test in a breeze, took me about 10 minutes to reach the hospital then 5 minutes waiting, 2 minutes blood test, done!

Today, until monday (6th chemo, 2nd Tax ), i will enjoy my feeling good state. My brother in law is arriving and we will have bonding and happy eating ( good food only! ) times together. It feels good having visitors. It gives us reason to move around, shop and eat out.

It's thanksgiving day today in America. For me everyday is thanksgiving day. Thank you Lord for giving me another day to be with family and friends.

When you are sick you learn to appreciate all people and all things around you. Life is too short to waste on whining. Of course whenever i don't feel well my spirit gets dragged down but i will just need to look forward to good days ahead.

So many things to do after my treatments, Travel, Wedding, Sell, Renovate, Build then Sell. Everything got on hold but must continue and move on to 2013 and beyond...

Today i was able to fetch my son at 3:05 pm and stayed with him while he had soccer for an hour 3:30 pm to 4:30pm after which we had the first Parent Teacher Conference scheduled at 4:45pm. Everything was just right on time. My husband was also able to join in.

His teacher explained to us the report card and how my five year old son was the most attentive among all his classmates, especially among the boys.

My son loves reading, drawing, making pretend things, numbers and learning. He always wants to understand everything. His mind is never idle, always with witty questions. He asked me " why are weekends only two days and weekdays five? ". He wants them to be the same!

His mandarin teacher last year was very fond of him. She even said, he is a genius. Even the parents of his classmates loves him.

The best comment his teacher said was that he is top of his class! That is a compliment being the only Filipino! Of course i have always been proud of my son.

He always has the penchant to being first. I am teaching him to just do his best always and that is more important than being number one.

It was his choice to study in Macau. I showed him his options and he said he liked TIS ( The International School of Macau ) because of the playground, the toilets, the rooms and most important, because he wanted to be with his dad!

He hugged and thank me again for being there with him. I told him "as long as mama is not very sick, mama will fetch him but when mama is not well, it is not safe for mama to drive". He knows and prays for me everynight that i get well soon.

God is so good to me, giving me a very handsome, loving, intelligent, responsible and caring son. My prayer is that i could be with him until he finish college.

Today i was able to drive to fetch my son from school. I was forced to drive because it is drizzling and foggy and my husband has meetings so he can not fetch my son. It is quite hard for my maid and son to ride the bus in this weather. Anyway, i was tensed but was able to do it! Actually i think it's what you call adrenalin rush. I was able to overcome the fear that i might not be alert enough to drive, or my headache might make me clumsy. I did it and it makes me feel somehow fullfilled.

I have to treasure little joys. It was funny because i had to call my husband why the car won't start! Then he asked me what i did. Wow, i forgot to press on the brakes first before pushing the start button. Silly me!

As a mom, when your children gets sick you tend to panic and would always want to take charge of curing their illness. Forgetting your own illness.

My eldest daughter's hyperthyroidism has recurred after many months of taking medications. Her doctor is giving her options to take medicines again or take radioactive iodine. As usual, i have researched to find out what food can be good for her and what she should avoid. This recurrence have put more challenge on her health especially now that she is engaged.

Now we must be vigilant and must take good care of her and the food she eats. This hyperthyroidism can affect the heart and bones and we can not afford not to do something to bring down those thyroid hormones to normal levels.

As they say, health is wealth and we have to do everything possible to be in the best of health always. It is never too late to start all over again.

Healthy lifestyle, that should be our goal! Nowadays good food is a real challenge to find. With all the additives and yummyness on the food but are actually bad for our body.

We must all go back to basics, natural and fresh fruits and vegetables are a must! Go green!!

Today i was able to go to mass in the morning then to a birthday lunch then to another birthday party of the classmate of my five year old son. After two weeks of being tied down, finally a good day of no more dizziness and lesser pains, except for a little cramps of my left toes.

Today is the end of the second week and into the third week after the first taxotere chemo. It has been a cycle, first week very bad. Then the second week a little bad. Then the third week is good. Yehey!!!

I am looking forward to a better week ahead. Thank you for being able to go out and enjoy the day. Thank you for a nice cool weather in Macau. My favorite season of the year, temperature is between 20 to 25 degrees centigrade.

All prayers of my dear family and friends are truly working and helping me a lot. Thank you again to all and please continue to keep them coming!!! We are 70.8% through already! Praise be to God, my saviour!

Last night i suddenly woke up shaking and feeling very cold. The room temperature was normal 22 C. I woke up my husband and asked him to get me warm water to drink then wore socks and went under a thick blanket till i fell asleep again. After a few hours we received text message that our dear ortho doctor friend passed away. I was just telling my daughters to try to visit him. He was such a good friend doctor to us.

My daughters are all cheerdancers since their high school days till college so whenever they suffer injuries they go directly to him for treatment even in the middle of the night. He would always be there for them and would always be ready, with a smile, to treat them and make them smile thru their injuries and pains. He was supportive of their ( risky ) passion.

My first two daughters are already graduate so he would say they're more safe now. My third daughter is now with the blue babble and he found out that she has scoliosis but still gave her go signal to do her passion after making sure thru xrays that it's not dangerous.

There was a time ( about 11 years ago) we did a fund raising concert and would have practices in our house. We enjoyed those days with them especially after the concert when we watched the video of our performance. We can not stop laughing at ourselves. It was fun!

When i found out about my biopsy result, they ( his wife is my OB ) were the first ones i called to help me. He was already suffering then with liver CA but would still give me moral support. And would always tell me everything will be just fine.

Since i started my chemo in Macau, i would only communicate with them thru texts and FB. They are so helpful and would get for me all the available good supplements. They would order the supplements for me with the doctor's discount!

Life indeed is short and another of my dear friend have gone ahead. Farewell to you my friend.

Tito Frank, you are a very good doctor and friend to my Family. I honor all, you together with tita myrna, have done for us. Your concern for our well being we will forever treasure. Thank you very very much for always being there for us.

We love you and will miss you...

Eversince i had my surgery, i started to go to healing masses and pray overs.

During these times, i had a special group of sick friends who i had gone to healing masses and pray overs with.

It always break my heart whenever someone gets critical then pass away. A number of them have slowly gone ahead. It doesn't only make me so sad whenever this happens but i somehow go back to hopelessness and it frightens me so much.

Somehow i get to thinking, I do need to be more ready anytime to go, have to prepare myself, my family. The message is clearer everytime.

I have cried for my friends who lost their battles but i know they are in a much better place now. They are now at peace, resting in the bossom of heaven while i need to fight for dear life.

Out of all my sadness and feeling already so tired, i will need to face up to my challenge. I still need to do 3 more cycles of Tax chemo. The first Tax summed up all the bad side effects of the four ACs!

On the other hand, i need to have more resolve to continue to fight everything. Make each moment count, even the painful moments.

It has always been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me and i do get the lows with so much tears but i should still fight, fight for whatever it is worth it.

Live like it's the last day. That was my motto but i somehow have misprioritized some things and made errors, or maybe call them 'precious lessons'.

I may stop and pause for a while because i am getting tired but i will not give up, no not yet...

With all that i have been going thru right now, i request all who read this blog to please give time to have your medical checkup especially if you are not feeling well. Do not take your well being for granted. Like the oxygen in the airplane, help yourself first.

It wouldn't be selfishness, not even heroism. It will be stupidity if you don't do it. Delaying will only make things harder to counter the disease.

I wouldn't want anyone, my friends and even my enemies to have to go thru all the hardships of being sick. Please have your medical checkup now. You owe it to yourself.

Again, please have your check up and don't take things for granted. As they say, better safe than sorry....

I'm on the edge..,

After my surgery i started drinking daily Now and Innergize to help me recover faster. Since my first bloodtest failed i felt i needed some more help so i started taking Transfer Factor to help boost my immune system. Today i will start to take AHCC ( shiitake mushroom ) to further help counter the side effects of Chemotheraphy. Science is truly a great blessing. I hope and pray these supplements will help my body for a much needed boost.

Thank you to all my caring family and friends who give me continous support and advises and prayers.

One of the side effect of chemotheraphy on me is constipation so i am having these for breakfast:

The google search has helped me a lot lately. I was able to search what can help me counter my heartburn and constipation. I took food that are not acidic and rich in fibre. Now my tummy has improved except the lingering pains which has somehow lessened a bit.

Technology is truly a gift from God. Now i don't have to bring along my PIMS. I am a person who always check on the details of every medicine i take and / or give to my family. All i need to do is search! I can't imagine anymore how life would be without the internet.

Last night, i had to take the med my onco gave me to help me sleep. Today i have tiny pains all over my body that tingles every now and then. It's kinda like the feeling of coming down with a flu. I can eat well despite my mouth a little sore and experiencing painful heart burn.

I am sad because i don't feel well or maybe i don't feel well because i am sad. Either way, it's not a good day for me.

As far as i know, i am able to tolerate pain well. Actually i just get over it by thinking ahead on how good it can be after. I have done this many times before. Whenever i am about to give birth, i dread having labor pains but i just help myself by thinking how good the feeling of hugging my baby after. I have done that five times already and it worked!

Now these bad feelings are putting my spirits down but i know this will all come to pass and i just need to hang on. Looking forward to 2013....

My first AC chemotheraphy was given August 6, 2012. My blood test results were okay to proceed. I was given via dextrose two medicines to counter side effects then the A then the C. Nothing painful during the process except the wasabi feeling in my sinuses when the C was given. Other than that i was able to go home after the session.

The first week i suffered from endless burping and frequent trips to the toilet. Felt weird at times but nothing i can not bear. I forced myself to eat and drink even though i wasn't feeling well. After a week things become more bearable but i still felt weak. Then on the third week, i thought i was feeling better but my blood test failed. My Wbc was way too low and we needed to postpone the next session to another week.

After a week i had another blood test and this time it passed so we proceeded with the 2nd AC on September 3, 2012, by this time i have lost almost all my hair already. My nail started to have black spots. I started to take Transfer Factor to help my immune system some more.

Then a week after my 2nd AC chemo i suffered from skin infection. I had to go to a dermatologist who gave me antibiotics and two creams to apply on the eruptions. In three days the medicine worked. Then suddenly i had my period again, my last was June 2012.

Even with these i was able to get a go for my 3rd AC on September 24, 2012. Then had same cycle of ups and downs then the fourth AC on October 15, 2012. Wow, by God's grace and mercy, i was halfway already!!!

I was so blessed being with my loved ones during these sessions. The support that my family has given me have more than inspired me to fight for my life. To try all means so i could still be with them longer. I still need to see my son get over his crisis. I still need to see my five year old son go thru school. I still have so many many many things to do. I need so much more time to do things for my family. It's not yet time to give up. I believe God still has plans for me so i will continue to fight the good fight....

After my surgery, that was when all kinds of emotions came crushing in on me. My left hand was so painful and weak but i needed to push raising it up so i wouldn't suffer from frozen shoulder. My left breast area was so numbed.

During the recovery period i had the chance to go to healing masses and lots of pray overs from all my good friends and neighbors. It really felt so good seeing concerned people by your side.

So many questions entered my mind, why, why,, why??? Only time will tell, i just need to trust God Almighty!!

That was the period wherein my adult daughters and my husband researched and assessed my options. They helped analyse everything. We consulted about four oncologists and all were recommending the same adjuvant chemotheraphy treatment. It was a family decision that i have my chemo treatments in Macau. I could be with my sons and husband. My daughters will be with me, one of them at a time, as my two graduate daughters need to manage our businesses in the Philippines and my third daughter will need to continue college in Ateneo.

God has blessed me with so many friends, who came forward to share with me their time, messages, texts and unending prayers especially during my distressed times. I thank all of you from the bottom of my heart.

I had to decide to change my diet. From soft drinks to natural juices, from meats to fish and vegetables, plenty of fruits. Healthy supplements and vitamins to help my immune system.

Was given six weeks to assess and decide and after everything considered my family and i decided that i go thru the chemotheraphy treatments 4 AC every 21 days then 4 TAX every 21 days. It was not an easy decision but we all would want to increase my chance of survival and we consider science as also a gift from God our creator....

My 3rd daughter had to fly back to PH to go back to school. Now i dont have my jolly companion to give me moral support.

Today i feel dazed but not much body pains. I guess the medicines they injected to counter the side effects are working until today. So many things on my mind now but my body tells me to just relax.

Yesterday during the chemo, they put the blood pressure monitor on my left foot! In my research i have read that they need to monitor but wondered how they'll do it since they cannot do it on my left hand as it is the operated side and the dextrose is on my right hand.

I can eat much better now than the first four AC chemos wherein i burp all the time for the first five days ( ooops, i still need to do my flashbacks ... To follow ). I do hope this coming days will be just like this. Prayers that things will be just fine are working. Thank you Lord!

Also, just today my son told me he wants to go jogging so i need to buy him jogging suits. I think he is now starting to move on... Praise be to God! This is giving me so much joy already...

I have taken dexamethasone tablets as instructed by my oncologists which however kept me awake the whole night. Today they injected about four meds to lessen the side effects. Now after the chemo i am very groggy. The nurses told me te sleep and relax the whole afternoon and so i will.... Till the next post...

I rushed back to the Philippines and left my husband and two sons in Macau and only my three daughters were with me to take care of coordination, instructions of doctors, lab exams and clearance. I went to my OB-Gyne to consult her about the findings. She found me a surgeon to do the MRM in St. Lukes Medical Hospital. Exactly 16 days after the biopsy, I underwent the MRM surgery.

I checked in the hospital a day before the morning surgery. I was wheeled in to the operating room at 8am and brought back to my room at 4 pm. The operation went smoothly, thanks to my very good surgeon.

After a couple of days, I was able to go home after the drain tube was taken out. This means that there is no more internal bleeding in the wound. My surgeon said my wound looked good, no bruises. I was released and went back after a week for my histopath and further tests.

To be continued....

Let me start from the very beginning...

Year 2009, I had a mammogram then breast ultrasound. They said to have it every six months because there is a need to monitor the nodules. I felt the lumps but wasn't worried at all. I felt just normal.

Year 2011, I went to my OB-Gyne doctor because I started to feel a little weak most of the time. I was starting to feel that I'm losing strength of my left hand. I could not open bottles. We assumed it was all because I should be in my perimenopouse stage.

October 2011, after my breast ultrasound results were read, my OB refered me to a breast specialist who recommended we do a biopsy. Then my son had a crisis and I had to take care of my son. I was focused on his crisis that I completely forgot about myself.

June 2012, my son got over his crisis so I had chance to go home to attend to my eldest daughter ( I was worried about her because she had a big lump on her left breast ). She found a surgeon. I went home to be with her so we could have excision biopsy by local anesthesia. It took us about two hours then I went back to Macau and just took out the thread of the stiches by myself. After 6 days, I called my daughter to get the biopsy result. She said she can go the next day. Then called me about the biopsy results. She told me hers was just a benign cysts but mine was not good and I had to go back because they need to do surgery (modified radical mastectomy) within two weeks after the biopsy. At that moment, 8 days have already passed since the biopsy. I flew back to the Philippines the very next day...

28 years, such a feat! Let me count our accomplishments....

... A handsome, intelligent, healthy, very loving 5 year old son. Almost lost him at 3 months due to threathened abortion but God saved him.

... A handsome, very intelligent, talented 15 year old son. Almost lost him but God saved him.

... A beautiful, talented, swimmer now cheerleader, intelligent 18 year old daughter. A deans lister!

... A very caring, loving, intelligent, talented dancer and cheerleader. My 21 year old beautiful daughter. My top moral booster! My angel!

... My eldest, beautiful 25 year old daughter, very responsible, no nonsense person, intelligent, talented dancer and cheerleader. Always the captain of the team. Now taken!!!

I may not have been a perfect mom but God has blessed me so much with 5 gems!!! Couldn't ask for more! God loves me!!!

Wow! What a feeling, very mixed emotions! Hoping I find the right words to describe how I am feeling right now...

Happy...
Yesterday was the 26th birthday of my daughter's boyfriend for 5 years ( now fiancé ) so we had the usual happy birthday greetings by email and text message. My daughter and us were on facetime, then she excitedly showed us the ring! We were surprised and so happy for her, tears of joy!

Sentimental...
I could still remember how tiny she was when she was born, little head full of hair. Oh, how she loves to listen every morning to her tape of nursery rhymes. At eleven months she could already not only walk but run tiptoeing. Her feet were so tiny i couldn't find walking shoes that will fit her. At one and a half years old she could recite her favorite nursery rhyme 'twinkle twinkle little star'. At age two, she loved attending a preschool near my office. She got the most observant student award! As a toddler, she was always prim and proper, never messed around. Never a dull moment, always absorbing learnings around her. When she started having baby sisters, she was a perfect 'Ate', very patiently teaching her sisters.

Eversince i can remember, she loved dancing, tumbling, and always perfecting whatever she does. She has such dexterity and patience and a natural leader. In Grade school, High school and College, she was always captain of her team.

Overwhelmed.....
I have ongoing treatments until February. I still have to recover my hair, my strength, myself. So many things to plan, to look forward to. I can not afford anymore not to get well fast. Excited about every little thing for the wedding. The Dad can not contain himself. This is a first time! We don't know much what to do. A true blessing, the fiancè is the fourth child and youngest son.

A little sad...
Because i was not able to hug my baby while she had tears of joy during the proposal. I missed a special event in her life. I also missed my favorite caramel cake where the proposal was written, yummy!!

Proud...
I have raised a very responsible lady aside from being intelligent, loving and dedicated. When I was diagnosed and was at a loss already, she and her sisters have risen up to the occasion and took control. They took care of me especially after my mastectomy. They lovingly cooked for me, made sure i have my medicines. My daughters literally took care of me, their mom!!! I couldn't ask for more. God is good.