Eversince i had my surgery, i started to go to healing masses and pray overs.

During these times, i had a special group of sick friends who i had gone to healing masses and pray overs with.

It always break my heart whenever someone gets critical then pass away. A number of them have slowly gone ahead. It doesn't only make me so sad whenever this happens but i somehow go back to hopelessness and it frightens me so much.

Somehow i get to thinking, I do need to be more ready anytime to go, have to prepare myself, my family. The message is clearer everytime.

I have cried for my friends who lost their battles but i know they are in a much better place now. They are now at peace, resting in the bossom of heaven while i need to fight for dear life.

Out of all my sadness and feeling already so tired, i will need to face up to my challenge. I still need to do 3 more cycles of Tax chemo. The first Tax summed up all the bad side effects of the four ACs!

On the other hand, i need to have more resolve to continue to fight everything. Make each moment count, even the painful moments.

It has always been a roller coaster ride of emotions for me and i do get the lows with so much tears but i should still fight, fight for whatever it is worth it.

Live like it's the last day. That was my motto but i somehow have misprioritized some things and made errors, or maybe call them 'precious lessons'.

I may stop and pause for a while because i am getting tired but i will not give up, no not yet...