It's a holiday today here in Macau. We woke up 9 am and had a lazy morning.

I am starting to have 'metallic taste buds' again but i try to eat a lot despite my being constipated and experiencing heart burn again. I hope i can get this over with soon.

Last night after having a delicious dinner and a happy time with good friends, i was able to sleep well. Woke up at 7am to dress up my son for school then went back under the sheets again. Ate breakfast at 9:30 am then went back to bed again! Must be the weather making me sleepy!

Today is the last day of school for my five year old son but i can not fetch him since i am groggy, not safe for me to drive.

Wow! i am 87.5 % thru my chemo treatments already! With all the support from all my family and friends' love and prayers, i will be almost over it!

My doctor gave me instructions to have injections to help my WBC on the 21st of december until the 23rd, to be sure i don't suffer high fever and infections again.

Being in the homestretch already giving me extra boost and strength to looking forward to better days ahead! With all that ups and downs i have been thru, i can't stop thinking how i was able to surpass all these trials.

I am not yet completely done but with all the support, my good doctors, my family and all my loving friends, i will surely make it! God is good! Yehey!

Today i arrived 10:09 am at the hospital so instead of me being number 5 i became no. 20. I was the last patient to check in to the chemo area. I finished at almost 4 pm. The price of being 9 minutes late, i lost 2 hours. Can not cheat the computerized queuing system. I am supposed to come before 10am.

With the dexametasone i was not able to sleep well yesterday. During the chemo after the first injection i was so sleepy, I dozed off the whole session. The nurse had to wake me to ask if i feel something wrong. She is actually worried about me. Blood pressure monitored on my foot. The session went on smoothly, thanks to all my prayer warriors! God was at my side thru it all.

Teddy was with my high school friend and his wife when he fetched me. It was so nice to see and be with friends after enduring my chemo.

Spending moments just talking with good friends is such a moral boosting thing. Just sharing thoughts, feelings, stories and memories was really so good.

Then we had a good dinner at a portuguese restaurant. The food was great with the white wine ( i am not allowed to drink, poor me ). We had clams and gambas for appetizer. Had ox tongue with yummy sauce and cod fish with potato for main dish. It was a a perfect meal with a perfect company! Thank you Cris and Jackie for your visit spending precious times with us!

Jacob enjoyed your company. I am so happy to see you! Till our next rendezvous! ( In Russia !? )

(please note - published a day late)

Today i had my bloodtest for my 7th chemo tomorrow. If the results are good then we will push thru with the 3rd Taxotere ( 7th chemo ).

Yesterday and today, i have been feeling just fine. This morning i have also taken the dexametasone. I do hope everything will be better this cycle. I would want to enjoy my christmas holidays with my family. I am praying hard for no more glitches for me this time please!

Because my source of joys will then be complete, i will not need to force myself to be positive anymore. I am so excited for the holidays. It will be relax and enjoy mode with the family! Ha ha!

Yesterday i was able to do the haircut of all my boys. Just in time for the holidays. Jacob and Justin took a little more time since they had so much hair. Teddy was swift because it was easy to do clean shave. I had to force myself to do it yesterday because when i take the dexametasone my hands seems to become unsteady and i feel a little hyper and need to focus a little more doing things with my hands.
My fine motor skills becomes a little rough...

Today, i was able to drive to toys r us to buy gift for jacob's classmate then went to teddy's office ( jacob was able to wear his Dad's hardhat! see the little engineer! ) to pick him up then proceeded to the birthday party. As usual Jacob had a great time in the party!

Except for some tingling pains here and there, i feel better.

The only sad news today is the connecticut massacre. Why do these bad things happen to little children? and to some good adults too? Such a sad sad story indeed.

We may not be able to comprehend many things in our lifetime. We just need to trust God, that He is in full control...

Instead of my blood test today, i will be having it on monday since i will be seeing my alternate doctor on tuesday instead of the usual mondays. My oncologist is on holiday and will be back January.

Today, i am able to drive, watch the Christmas celebration of my five year old in school. They sang three christmas songs and it is truly a joy to watch him perform with pride.

After their performance, we had an activity inside their classroom. We decorated an ice cream cone like a christmas tree using icing and candies. After finishing they were allowed to eat them. Yummy!

Wow! Today i am turning 52. So many things have happened and are still happening to me. Sometimes i couldn't think anymore, i just need to let things be.

Maybe my sickness have changed me a lot already. I guess it had to happen to me so i will realize so many things, too many to mention.

Today, only my five year old is here to personally say happy birthday to me. How can i survive without my son by my side. He is truly a gift to me.

Since yesterday, i have lots and lots of birthday greetings. They do matter a lot knowing they are from caring family and friends. Thanks to technology, now my friends from all over the world can greet me instantly, By text messaging, by FB and by email. Its truly great how all of us can be so easily connected!

Today i was able to drive and take my son to school. He was so happy. In the afternoon, i was also able to fetch him with my maid getting him from the classroom while i waited in the car. I was able to gather my strength and drive.

I still feel a little weak especially my legs but i got to do what i got to do. I just hope i am not overstretching myself again. I wouldn't want to go thru all the sickness, fever and pains again!

Actually, it is not easy to take care of oneself especially when you don't feel well already. Maybe i am not well enough to know my limitations and it is quite hard to be the one disciplining your own self. You can either be too forgiving or too strict. I don't really know but it is never easy, you would always wish someone could be there for you always...

Yesterday was a holiday in Macau so when we followed up the blood test result, the nurse told us that results were there but doctors are off on holiday.

This afternoon, we followed up again and the nurse said maybe doctor will be coming so we just need to wait. I told the nurse that i am sure am okay and tomorrow my husband will need to go to hongkong and nobody can help me check out. Also told her clearly that my doctor endorsed me to another doctor because he is going for holidays and will be back January. The nurse was hesitant to just call and had to convince her i really need to go home already. She understood and told us the doctor will be coming latest 6pm. Teddy's office will be having their xmas dinner at 7pm and it is also important he attends.

At 5pm, the doctor came and read my blood tests results and was very happy to tell us that my blood counts are all good and he will be giving me a ' may go home ' order! We were already home by 530pm!!!

Now i am home with my sons!!

When you have endured all the body pains, the fever, the chills, the weakness, the helplessness and all the painful injections and have reached your threshold, you simply cry out loud to God and tell him " Lord i lift up myself to you, Your will be done". I even told Him, i can not bear it anymore! That is when everything started getting better. He started to take over! I did not need to fight anymore.

Thank you for all the doctors, the nurses, the aides, the cleaners who made my hospitalization much more bearable. They were all so so kind to me!!! And they were all so happy to send me off!!!

From midnight i can not eat or drink anything anymore in preparation for my blood tests this morning. If my WBC has gone high enough then i could go home.

My nurse checked on me and reminded me about the 'nothing by mouth after 12mn' then asked me if i still have the headache. She was happy when i said my headache maybe almost gone. The aide even had to get my water containers to make sure i don't drink. Part of the aide's routine is making sure, i have warm water in my pitcher and hot water in my thermos aside from giving me bath, giving me lunch, giving me warm milk and crackers etc...

When i think of how passionate the aides and the nurses are on their duties i am so deeply touched. How can they take care of me? I am not their family? Who am I? I have done nothing to deserve it? I even find them thoughtful, although it's actually their job.

I am sure they will be the first to be very happy if my blood test will pass. I owe it to my doctors, my nurses and all the aides in this cancer department (UA).

Even as i was feeling very bad all these times, they did their job so well. Of course it will be my aspiration that i don't get confined again soon but knowing how the department cares is enough assurance they are just here in case.

Let's see results later...

I am getting better, my last fever was at 3am and no more recurrence today except some headache where i call the nurse to give me painkillers.

My 2nd daughter has to fly back to PI. The hospital does not allow companions to stay overnight. They designed the UA ( for cancer patients ) rooms such that the patient only can stay. They are strict on visiting hours which is from 1pm to 4pm and 6pm to 8pm. They don't allow small children around. It seems ok for me since i needed all the rest and sleep. Also i needed to be isolated while i fight the infections. I think the antibiotics (injected thru IV with quite painful infusion) are working since i don't have fever anymore. Now they are injecting something to help my WBC count go up. My onco said they will have blood tests taken on monday to see if i can go home. He said " we have to keep you safe ".

I believed him. He is Godsent! Knowing he does not do these things for a fee. The government here in Macau covers everything. He receives salary from the government and does his work because he just wants to help people. The way he explains to residents his instructions shows the dignity of being an experienced doctor.

The doctors and the nurses, the aides and the cleaners, they all try to do their best in their job. The nurse even lent me her cellphone so i can call my family when i was taken to the room and gave me visiting hours time schedule which i didnt mind because i thought family are not visitors. The aides keeps talking to me in cantonese maybe just trying to cheer me up. The cleaner who luckily is a filipina became my instant interpreter towards the aides and my guide. I think i should practice my cantonese now.

Prayers are working because everything in this hospital are blessings! Thank you to all my family and friends and to God almighty!

Why am i crying?
... I am sick
... I am sick and tired
... I am sick and tired of being sick

I failed myself. Being emotionally upset plus the fact that my supplements have run out. Everything came swirling down. My being got compromised.

I overworked my tearducts so much that my sinus and eyes became very sore. That is why they said not to stress oneself when you are undergoing chemotherapy.

Why did these happen all at the same time? Was it one because of the others? I don't understand myself either. It just happened suddenly and i can't stop it...

There are three things that they say are a ' No No ' to people having chemotherapy.

One should not forget to take your supplements regularly.
One should not be stressed at all times.
One should not forget to eat properly at all times.

Well, all of these things happened all at the same time to me!! My supplements run out! I was distressed because of that. I became emotionally upset, so upset that i was not able to sleep well and eat properly.

What happened next became the most undesirable thing that could happen to a chemo patient. All my defenses came swirling down. In just 24 hours, i started to develop fever. My body was already down!

This is what they say that chemo patients should be doing everything so as not to let this particular thing to happen to them. It happened to me!! Why me??? I don't understand !!!

Today i am okay except for my 'metallic' taste buds ( all food taste a little different ). I have no dizziness and just very minor joint pains.

When i feel good, i try to sustain it by doing ( also drinking and eating ) the same so that it is kept that way. Yesterday we went to hongkong to get my transfer factor supplements but the AHCC ( now finished !! ) still has to be mailed. I get insecure and nervous because my feeling good state might dissipate. I attribute to my supplements my being better!

I have this black line on my left middle finger nail ( see picture ). They say the nails, hair and gums are also affected because they are fast dividing cells. That is why these black lines, hair loss and 'metallic taste' or sometimes mouthsores are happening.

They also say that everything will be back to normal when chemo is done. I am now 75% over, so i am on the home stretch already, 6 down, two to go!